We kept our nursery pretty much the same for Samuel, but I wanted to make a few changes to make the room special for him.
One of those changes was the mobile…
I’ll be honest, I cried a little when I took down Isaiah’s flying planes. But the new mobile was so perfect, it softened the blow. ;)
I’ll be posting a “how to” in a few days. But first, I thought I’d explain the meaning behind it. And as I do, bear with me…it’s a hard place to revisit.
Last July, we lost a little angel.
I was three months along when we got the news. You can imagine our shock, since we were out of the normal “danger zone.”
I was devastated. And scared. Terrified that something was wrong, and that more children wouldn’t be in the cards for us.
I once saw a painting depicting miscarriage. It was of a woman, arms cradled and empty, with a hole where her heart once was. And nothing could better describe how I felt, and on some level, will always feel.
One thing is for sure, I will always love that child. He changed my life for the better–reminding me that life is short, and not to be wasted. He spurred me to make a major life change, and for that I will always be grateful.
The week after we found out, I had to get away. Somehow, it seemed like exactly what I needed to begin healing. So Michael and I jumped on a flight to California, where we could take a break from the tears, and forget–if even for a few days.
On the plane ride home, the reality returned. All I can remember is staring out the window, and crying. I spent the entire flight praying–for peace, for comfort, and for any kind of hope that we may see another child in our future. I begged God for some kind of reassurance.
And no lie. At that very moment, a rainbow appeared out my window. Have you ever seen a rainbow from a plane? It’s stunning. And surreal.
I immediately remembered that in the Bible, a rainbow was considered “God’s promise” (Genesis 9:13).
And in that moment, I cried. Even harder than I already was. Thankful.
Soon after we got home, and much to my surprise…I learned that babies born after a loss are traditionally called “rainbow babies.”
Fast forward three months. We found out we were pregnant, and in my fear, I quickly turned to the memory of that rainbow. It comforted me. It gave me peace. And it gave my heart hope. I was terrified to relive our pain, and every time the fear consumed me–I remembered the day I saw his “promise” outside my window.
That day was July 8th, 2012.
And one year later, to the day. We welcomed little Samuel into our world.
Indeed, God is good. And his plan is divine.
I stitched Samuel’s mobile by hand about a week before he arrived. Each stitch was somehow thereaputic. A reminder of that very special rainbow. And inspired by something my sweet Grandpa Keener used to say…
“No rain. No rainbows.”
Well, we had our rain. And now, we have our rainbow.
Our special mobile is a beautiful reminder of sweet Samuel, for which I will thank God, every day of my life.