I haven’t blogged in forever. Two months, to be exact.
It’s hard on me, to tell you the truth. I don’t feel like myself without writing, or journaling in some way. And that’s how this little space began, after all. My place to write, share, and be.
And let’s just say it out loud, I let my favorite holiday season pass without posting even ONCE!
It’s tempting to feel ashamed, but when I stop to think about why…I’m not.
I have a lot of dreams; things I want to do, write, accomplish. I’ve always loved that about myself, but lately…it’s been a sore spot for me. Because I can’t deny that those dreams have been taking a back seat to my little ones.
I’ve struggled with it since the day I became a stay-at-home-Mom.
I’m a do-er and I want to DO. Those dreams, they run deep in my veins.
In the beginning, I didn’t know how to let it all go. I’d spent years building my career, and I was exactly where I wanted to be…doing exactly what God had made me to do. Until he tugged on my heart (practically pushing me) to leave.
I was so confused. How could I leave at the top of my game? With no excuse, other than motherhood???
Until I realized, it wasn’t an excuse…it was a calling.
It may not be for everyone, but it was just something I had to do.
It was one of my bravest moments…walking away.
And I’ve never regretted that decision, not for a minute. Does that mean that being a stay-at-home-Mom has been easy? Heck no. It’s challenged me to my core. More than any job ever could.
Especially when it comes to leaving my career dreams on the table…
But the thing I’ve realized about dreams? Is that you don’t have to rush them.
They are a part of you. They grow with you. And they wait for you.
It’s okay to hit the pause button in life. It’s okay to slow down and be present, right where you’re planted…instead of focusing so much on the future.
There’ll be a day when my babies don’t need me quite so much. And then, by gosh, I’ll get after it.
I was rocking my youngest the other night, when a flood of memories rushed through my mind.
I remembered rocking in that very same chair, while I was pregnant with Isaiah…staring at an unfinished nursery. The doctors had just given him a grim diagnosis, and my heart was broken into pieces. So there I sat, rocking and praying feverishly. Four months later, I was rocking my healthy baby boy.
Fast forward two years. Same place. Same chair. Tears streaming down my face after the doctor couldn’t find a heartbeat.
And now I rock my sweet Samuel there, every single day.
You see, I dreamed of these boys long before they were even born. I dreamed what their lives would be like, what they would be like, who they would become, and more.
And I want nothing more than to be a part of that, every step of the way.
Everyone should follow their dreams, no matter what they may be. I fully believe that.
But these boys? They are mine. And they are my most important one.
Everything else can wait.
So forgive me if my posts are less frequent. I’ve committed to write and share as much as I’m able. But for now?
I’m following my dreams. And man, are they precious…